


A Cinco Carol

by Queen_Andr0meda



Category: Arrested Development
Genre: 3 supernatural matchmakers, Alternate Universe - A Christmas Carol Fusion, Backstory, Light to Medium Angst, M/M, t bcause they say the fuck word
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-24 14:35:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17706095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queen_Andr0meda/pseuds/Queen_Andr0meda
Summary: On the night of a fateful Cinco de Cuatro, Gob Bluth receives some strange visitors.





	A Cinco Carol

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nerdyscully (dalecooperscoffee)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dalecooperscoffee/gifts).



> A gift for my wonderful gf, Dee. The Ghost of Christmas Past that lights up all of our hearts <3

It was May Fourth, or rather it was 12:00 am on the fifth, and Gob Bluth was lying awake in bed. Anxiety had been eating at him since his brother, Michael, had caught him having a tryst with his longtime rival, Tony Wonder. Now Tony was long gone, Michael was still unconscious on the living room floor, and Gob was out of forget-me-nows. Although, he couldn’t decide which one was worse, having to forget his wonderful evening with Tony, or being the only one who remembered.

The model home creaked eerily, and Gob tried to will himself to go to sleep. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a mysterious glow appear from beyond the bedroom door. He found himself stricken with fear as the glowing light passed through the door and appear in front of Gob in the form of Lucille 2.

“What are you doing here, Lucille 2?” Gob asked, not really sure what business she would have in his bedroom in the middle of the night, “You know I’m not interested in-”

“I’m a ghost, Gob. I’m here to offer a warning to you…” She replied, rolling her eyes. Gob took a moment to register this information.

“A ghost…? But since when are you dead if you-” He remembered everything his brother had said earlier about losing control and feeling ashamed, “- _Michael._ ”

The Ghost of Lucille 2 just bowed her head, not wishing to speak more on it. Instead she changed the subject, “Gob, you have let something important go tonight.”

“Who? Tony? He’s just a… friend.”

Lucille 2 shook her ghostly head, pinching the bridge of her nose. “You always were a clueless one, Gob. But it is not too late yet.” Gob looked confused. “Tonight you shall be visited by three more spirits who will guide the way for you.”

“Wait- but, I don’t want to see more ghosts-” With a wave of Lucille 2’s hand, Gob was fast asleep.

 

* * *

 

The Strike of one sounded in Gob’s head and he awoke with a start. Or at least he thought he was awake. His limbs felt heavy, as if he were wading through water. He saw a ethereal figure, sitting on the foot of his bed. This figure, which he assumed was another ghost, looked so familiar.

“...Marta?” He asked, his voice hoarse.

The ghost giggled, the tittering sound echoing throughout the room, “Is that who you perceive me as? No, I just take of whatever form you might find comforting, with some restrictions, of course. I’m the Ghost of Cinco Past.”

“The Ghost of… I feel like I’ve seen this movie before.”

The Ghost laughed again, “I’m here to remind you of your past, to prepare you for seizing your present.”

He perked up, “I get presents?”

She smiled, “Just take my hand, Gob. And remember the lights of long ago.” He followed her instruction, and in the blink of an eye he found himself transported somewhere else entirely.

 

* * *

 

He was in his parent’s old apartment, overlooking Pacific Coast Highway, his hand was still intertwined with that of the Marta-looking ghost. Gob looked around the room, the old nursery he had shared with Michael. In the corner of the room he saw two figures, seated in a rocking chair. The first was his old nanny and his parent’s maid, Rosa, and in her lap sat a young boy whom Gob just barely recognized as himself at age four.

Rosa was reading a story to his younger self, from a book of fables that Gob didn’t even want to try to pronounce. The story was short, about an astronomer who falls into a well while stargazing. When she had finished reading the story, Rosa asked of Gob, “ _Now, do you remember what Aesop meant when he wrote this fable?_ ”

“ _Ummm…_ ” Little Gob thought for a moment, “ _To look before crossing the street?_ ” he guessed, and Rosa laughed.

“ _No, you sweet, silly boy,_ ” She ruffled his already messy hair, “ _While that is also a good lesson, this story teaches you that sometimes the most important things were right in front of you the whole time._ ” Rosa kissed Gob’s forehead. “ _Are you getting hungry, Georgie? I’ll make you something, and we can read more this afternoon._ ” Gob had forgotten that there was a time before he was called Gob.

The toddler nodded his head and held Rosa’s hand as they walked out of the room together.

The real Gob Bluth turned back to the Ghost of Cinco Past. “That was a nice story, but why are we here?”

“This was May fourth, 1974. One of the happiest days from your childhood. Rosa made your favourite meal for lunch, then baked you chocolate chip cookies. The two of you spent the rest of the afternoon playing games and reading.”

“So? She was good at her job.”

“Raising you was never Rosa’s job. She was hired only to cook and clean for your mother. She looked after you because she cared.” The Ghost of Cinco Past sighed, “This day was significant to your younger self because of what happened on the fifth.” In another instance the scene changed.

 

* * *

  

They were still in the same apartment, but in the living room this time. Gob watched as his mother paced back and forth, smoking up a storm. His younger self toddled into the room.

“ _Momma, I’m hungry. Where’s Rosa?_ ” He asked, clutching his stomach.

“ _I don’t know, George junior, She’s run off somewhere because she hates you. You scared her off with all your needy, annoying questions._ ” Lucille put her cigarette out in an ashtray. “ _Can’t you find some food yourself?”_

Young Gob wandered up the the table while his mother lit another cigarette. “ _What’s that? What are you eating?_ ” He pointed to the ashtray, and the three cigarette butts crumpled inside.

“ _It’s a candybean dish…_ ” She was interrupted by the sound of Michael crying from the nursery. “ _Now look what you’ve done, idiot._ ” She whacked the back of Little Gob’s head as she passed him on her way to leave.

He looked closer at the so-called candybean dish. George Jr had seen candybeans before, but these ones looked different. His mother seemed to enjoy these kinds a lot though. He picked up one of the cigarette butts and put it his mouth, swallowing quickly to avoid the bitter and toxic taste. But he was still hungry, so he finished off the rest.

Gob watched, horrified, whereas the Ghost of Cinco Past just looked sad. “I don’t want to watch anymore,” Gob said.

“Rosa came back the next day, she just had the holiday off.” The ghost explained, “But when she came back, you treated her different. You didn’t hug her anymore, never wanted to hear any more stories…”

“I don’t want to hear anymore, please take me back home.”

The Ghost of Cinco Past nodded, and they were transported again.

 

* * *

 

They were not back in the model home, but instead in the family home that the Bluth family kept in the eighties. Gob observed himself and his father, having a conversation at the breakfast table.

“The morning of May fourth, 1987.” The ghost clarified. Gob nodded, he vaguely remembered wanting to forget this one, although he couldn't remember why.

“ _So, Gob,_ ” his father said, “ _what girl are you taking to Cinco tonight?”_

“ _Oh, um, I'm not going with any girl. Me and Seth were just going to go together.”_ Gob remembered Seth. He was his best friend in high school, the only person Gob could talk to and confide in, then suddenly one day they stopped talking for no reason.

“ _What are you? Some kind of homo? No, you're not going with that sissy friend of yours._ ” George Sr replied.

“ _Dad…_ ” Michael cut in nervously.

“ _I've humoured this weird little friendship long enough. Gob, here's what you’re gonna do. You're gonna call up the last girl you’ve been hanging around, Eve, was it? You're going to take her to Cinco, then you're going to take her to a motel and fuck that broad._ ”

Teenaged Gob hung his head , “ _Yes, Dad._ ”

The scene then shifted to later that day, at school. 16 year-old Gob was eating alone, obviously distressed. The ghost and Gob watched another boy come up behind the despondent teen, throwing his arm around the other’s shoulder.

“ _Hey, Gobie, what's up? You've been dodging me all day,”_  Seth’s face lit up while talking to Gob, “ _Should I pick you up for Cinco tonight at 5?”_

Teen Gob’s face became even more sullen. “ _What are we? Some kind of homos?”_ His father's words made Seth blanch.

“ _What are you talking about, Gob? We always go to Cinco together._ ”

“ _Not anymore,”_ Gob snapped “ _I'm going with Eve Holt, and I'm gonna be all up inside of her with sex, because I'm not a fruit.”_ He pushed Seth away with his elbow.

“ _Fine._ ” The other boy said, “ _If that's how you feel, I'll just leave you alone._ ” As Seth walked away, both Gobs started to cry.

The Ghost of Cinco Past sighed, “Seth never talked to you again after that, did he?” Gob shook his head. “You cried yourself to sleep that night after you went all the way with Eve. A trend that wasn't uncommon for you.”

“So what if I cried? I lost my best friend over low-quality sex, you'd get upset too.” Gob wiped his eyes.

“I suppose, if that's what you think of that. But that wasn't the only time you've cried after.”

Gob frowned, “Hey! _You_ always said you liked how sensitive I was, _Marta._ ”

The Ghost of laughed again and let go of Gob’s hand, transporting them back to Gob’s bedroom.

“That's all it takes? Come on!” Gob threw up his hands. “What? Don't you have anymore scarring childhood memories for me?”

“Not right now, I'll let you rest before the next ghost comes. Goodnight, Gob.” She kissed his forehead before disappearing.

 

* * *

 

Gob slept soundly until the strike of two. He groaned and opened his eyes slowly. His Room was empty. Either the next ghost was late, or he had been dreaming. A door slammed downstairs in the model home, and Gob rolled out of bed, to go investigate.

“Michael?” He called, but when he got to the landing, he saw Michael passed out on the floor still. Coming down the rest of the stairs, Gob considered that maybe he had imagined the sound, but then he saw a soft blue glow coming from the hall closet. “Tony?” He asked, opening the door to find another ghost watching rough footage from the bedroom cameras, that were connected to the monitor left behind by the tv crew.

“Honestly, Gob, this is shameful,” The Ghost said, gesturing at the explicit act Gob was performing on the screen. She turned to face Gob, and he noticed that she looked like Ann on their almost-wedding.

“Who are you and why do you look like Bland?” Gob asked.

“I'm just not supposed to be distracting. Apparently this form works. I'm the Ghost of Cinco Present.” She sighed

“What’s the point of that? I haven't forgotten this cinco yet.”

“Because I'm not just showing you _your_ cinco. Just, come on.” The Ghost of Cinco Present took his hand and led him into the hall. Being only a few hours earlier, not much had changed, but standing there in the hall was Tony Wonder and Ann Veal.

 _“Gob invited me here. He’s planning on getting revenge on you.”_ Ann said.

Tony chuckled in disbelief, “ _He would never do that._ ”

“ _Then why did he want to have sex with me with this on?_ ” She held up the same latex Gob mask that was currently lying abandoned on the floor of the bedroom.

Gob watched Tony’s face fall as he took the mask, “ _Sex with you? … Gob is straight?_ ”

“ _Oh yeah… Tony, what is it?”_

 _“How could he do that? I thought he was gay.”_ He sounded heartbroken _._

“What is this?” Gob asked the Ghost.

“This is what happened immediately before Tony entered your bedroom.” The scene of Tony and Ann kept playing out as they argued about musicals or something, Gob couldn't quite follow. But as Ann left, Tony held up the mask, to gaze at it.

“ _Same_ … _Become the same…_ ”

“This was so weird,” The Ghost of Cinco Present said, “Even weirder that you two were both doing this at the exact same time.” As Tony began to run upstairs, the image faded, and Gob was standing alone with the ghost.

“What now?”

“I have a few smaller things to show you first, but it'll be quick. Let me know if you get dizzy.”

They zipped through the Cinco festival grounds quickly. And Gob would be lying if he said he wasn't already dizzy. They stopped by each member of the Bluth family, each reaching new lows for themselves. Buster had a violent hat-fueled outburst, Lindsay threw her morals to the wind for political gain, Tobias left a woman to OD on a pile of trash, His parents were drowning in wall-related debts and getting divorced, his father was in hiding from the cops and a mongol horde. And, of course, there was the whole thing with Michael murdering Lucille 2, even if it was an accident. They always had made Gob feel like the screw up, but he was no worse than any of them after all.

The last place the Ghost of Cinco Present took them was the master bedroom of the model home. Although, as Gob quickly noticed, it wasn’t the one he had just been sleeping in. This bed was being occupied by Tony Wonder and Gob himself, from just a few hours earlier. They were comfortably entangled, with Tony’s head resting on Gob’s chest, and Gob’s arms wrapped around Tony’s waist. Still awake, the room was filled with the sound of their steady breathing.

“Do you notice anything?” The ghost said, gesturing to the couple in the bed. “Perhaps something the first ghost picked up on?”

Gob studied the two closely, though it took a minute to notice what the Ann-looking ghost was referring to, “I’m not crying,” he said. She nodded.

“ _Gob,_ ” Tony whispered into the silence. Gob remembered this conversation vividly. “ _You’ll probably think I’m crazy for saying this, but this feels right somehow. Like, other than the sex, which was amazing. I feel like we have a connection I’ve never felt with another person.”_

“ _That’s not crazy at all, I feel the same connection._ ”

Tony sighed, “ _It’s a shame we have to take forget-me-nows, I’d love to to spend more time with you._ ”

“ _What if we… didn’t take forget-me-nows?_ ” Gob had suggested, right as they heard the door open downstairs.

“ _What was that?_ ” Tony asked, ignoring Gob’s question.

“ _Probably the maid… I’ll check it out._ ”

The scene froze. “It wasn’t the maid though,” The Ghost of Cinco Present reminded Gob.

He rolled his eyes, “I know. It was Michael, and he scared Tony off before we could talk. I remember all of this, so why are you showing me?”

“That’s not for me to answer. You need to figure that out yourself.” She snapped and the images of the two men disappeared, and Gob was back in his regular bedroom. “I’ll leave you with some time before the next Ghost arrives.”

In an instant she was gone and Gob was asleep.

 

* * *

 

At the stroke of three, Gob awoke to see a fourth ghostly figure standing at the foot of his bed, arms crossed impatiently. “Oh, fuck me,” He groaned when he saw the face that this one had taken on.

“Is this face making you uncomfortable? Because that was the plan.” She said, smirking from behind her mane of frizzy blond hair.

“Let me guess, Kitty, you’re the Ghost of Cinco Future?” Gob wanted this time to be as short as possible.

“Ooh, close one, dummy, but I’m actually the Ghost of Cinco Yet to Come.”

Gob’s eyes narrowed, “So, are you going to tell me why you guys are putting me through all of this?”

The ghost chuckled, “That’s too easy, Gob. I think I’ll have you guess first.”

“Uhh,” Gob wracked his brain, trying to connect all the things he’d been shown that night “I don't know. I had a shitty childhood?”

“Come on, I now you can try harder than that.” The Kitty-ghost said. Gob shrugged helplessly in response. “Isn't there any common themes you saw?”

“I guess… I sometimes put my family's approval over my own happiness. Is that right?”

She nodded. “Go on.”

“I've put that first for so long, I don't even know what I want. I have to… look in front of me to see the most important thing?”

“Just like Aesop said,” The Ghost of Cinco Yet to Come smiled, holding out a bony hand. “Come with me, I have a couple more things to show you.”

Gob reluctantly took the spirit’s hand, she did look like Kitty, after all. They appeared on a street corner that Gob didn't recognize.

“Where are we?” He asked, looking around. He spotted a man down the street who looked like a himself, but much worse. Messy, thinning hair, dirty unflattering clothes, unshaved beard.

“Five years into the future where you change nothing.” She said, observing older-Gob carefully as he approached a young woman walking past.

“ _Hey there, pretty thing. Wanna buy me dinner later?”_ The woman walked faster away from him, “ _Come on! I won't even cry after sex!”_

Real Gob winced, “That's… Awful.”

The Ghost nodded, “You're living out of the back of your limo. It's your only valuable possession.” They watched future Gob scratch at the front of his pants. “Also, you got syphilis again, among other conditions, from all the prostitutes you spent the last of your money on.”

Gob was aghast. “How could this happen to me?”

“Not to be too harsh, but this is what happens when you try too hard to please people who don't care what happens to you. You always push the people who are there for you away, and now there’s no one left.”

“There has to be a way to change this.” Gob was practically begging.

“There always is, Gob. Come with me and I’ll show you another future.” They started walking together and appeared in a very different scene.

 

* * *

 

They were in a cozy living room, picture frames lined every surface. On the couch sat a very different Gob; he was clean and well kept, dressed in a nice shirt and slacks. This Gob was scribbling something down on a notepad that he looked at through a pair of reading glasses. Despite this passive activity, he was smiling.

“This is you, five years into a future where you pursue your own happiness.” The Ghost explained. Gob nodded and kept watching intently.

The Gob on the couch looked up at the sound of the door opening. “ _Honey? Is that you?_ ” He stood up, and in moments, he was being embraced by none other than Tony Wonder. “ _What are you doing home? You weren’t supposed to be back until tomorrow.”_

 _“And what?_ ” Tony asked, “ _Miss our anniversary? Not a chance!_ ” They kissed each other tenderly. A kiss that was much gentler than any Gob had experienced in the past. “ _I love you.”_

“ _I love you so much. Happy anniversary indeed, Tony. Five years.”_ Gob laughed, “ _It’s amazing!”_ Real Gob noted how much his eyes had lit up talking to Tony.

“ _Don’t forget three years of having the best husband ever!”_ Tony teased, wrapping his arms around Gob’s waist. His eyes fell to the pad of paper on the coffee table. “ _Is that the new trick?”_ He picked it up and read it, “ _Gobie baby! This sounds so awesome! The audiences are going to eat it up!”_

The real Gob glanced at the Ghost, whose hand he was still holding. “I marry Tony?” He asked, almost disbelievingly.

“In most of the good timelines, yeah. In this one, you two have a successful double act, even starring together in Tony’s dream movie, and next week you find out that your adoption request went through.”

“Wow,” Gob gasped, “That sounds… Surprisingly nice. And I’m happy?”

“Almost always, yeah. Even when you’re not, Tony knows just how to cheer you up.” The Ghost of Cinco Yet To Come explained. “It doesn’t matter If this is what you choose. The important thing is that you figure out what you want and pursue that. And stop listening to the Bluths.”

“I… understand.”

“Then our work here is done.” Kitty let go of his hand and Gob was back in his bedroom at the model home, fast asleep.

 

* * *

 

It was 4:30 when Gob woke up, disoriented and confused. He didn’t know if that were real or a dream, but he finally knew what he wanted. He got out of bed, showering and dressing as fast as he was able to. He ran out of the door, not bothering to close it properly, and hopped into his limo.

Gob had reached Tony’s house in about thirty minutes, and he banged on the door as loud as he could. He kept knocking for ten minutes until Tony opened up, wearing only Gob’s robe.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Gob? It’s like, 6am.” Tony groaned.

“Tony,” Gob took a shaky breath, “Please tell me you haven’t taken a forget-me-now yet!”

“What?” Tony blinked slowly, “No, I haven’t. I was saving it until I woke up.” The other man breathed a sigh of relief. “Why?”

“Because,” He tried to explain, “I finally figured out what _I_ want.” He placed his hand on Tony’s cheek, “Tony, I’m crazy about you, and I want to date you because I can see myself loving you forever.”

“Wow… Gob… I don’t know what to say…”

“Please, just give me a chance. I don’t want to be forgotten again.” Gob felt tears prick the corners of his eyes and he tried to will them away.

“Okay,” Tony smiled, “Let’s risk it.”

Gob’s face lit up. “Really?”

“You know, I was really hoping you would come after me.” Tony confessed, “I was worried I might not get to kiss you again.”

“Well, I think I might want to do that now.” Gob brought their faces close together, kissing Tony softly, as though he feared that the scene might just be a dream. When their lips finally parted, Gob whispered, “I think this might be the best Cinco after all.”


End file.
